The Logic of Illogic

The injustice of the world never ceases to amaze me. Or to make me want to claw my guts out and fling them in the face of pure, unadulterated INJUSTICE.

Why is it that we are the ones that feel so ridiculously horrible about ourselves, when we are also the ones who people are constantly complementing? You’re so thin. You look so much better in that dress than I do. Your legs are so long. You’re so pretty. What the fuck can I say to these people without sounding like a complete bitch?

Because, the truth is, THEY ARE WRONG. Not that I think they are lying to me. It’s just that they don’t see correctly. Only I see correctly. Which means that, really, I am a huge pile of lard with undeniably hideous features and a pitiful, ugly way of seeing herself. Self-centered-pile-of-shit-go-curl-up-in-a-hole-and-disappear.

But no, I don’t say that to them, because that would just outwardly confirm that I actually AM a self-centered pile of shit. No, instead, I flash them the smile, toss the hair, make the genuine-happy-eyes, and thank them modestly for their complement. GOD, people eat that shit up. And it almost, for a split-second, makes me believe them myself. Maybe I am what they say I am. Perhaps I don’t have to despise my very essence or make a hunger offering of a slice of my belly to feed a small African country.

And then………………I see a mirror.

Nvm, Ghana, I hear you were interested in some good, wholesome blubber to fatten your malaria-ridden kids up? Have some inner thigh, that should last you for a while. Kthxbye.

Well, at least I don’t have people telling me I look horrible. Although what kid of cocksuckers tell ugly people they’re ugly. Jesus Christ have a bit of mercy. Everyone in the world is beautiful in some way. Except me, silly!

Alright, enough self-bashing. I really am a nice person, I swear. And I would never, EVER, want to make anyone feel bad about themselves (him/herself, technically, but PC grammar can suck it), especially not people who are already in pain. It’s just, for some reason, I deem it okay to spray carbonated vinegar on my own wounds.

I know I’m illogical, and I really can’t stand illogical people. It’s really quite confusing.

But here’s a logical solution! I’m just gonna starve myself until I’m about to keel over, and then I might feel a tad bit better about myself! Oh God, here I go again…