Friday, July 23, 2010

Grand Scheme of Life

First off, I’m going to do little blog dance, because I managed to eat about 700 calories yesterday!! Whee!!! I babysat last night, so I was away for three of my food-torture sessions. Not that I didn’t have to tell my parents “what I ate” so they could make sure I was “sticking to my meal plan.” BULL MALARKY I SAY!! I call your bluff kind parents, why the hell would you think that I’m not lying to you?!? (Lying comes way too easily for me. I’m a horrible person. More on that later.) Eh, whatever, I’m happy they buy the charade, just sorta pissed at the whole run-around. But yay!!!! I’m riding the high of restricting!!

So I’m running a tight schedule today, so no time go into restricting habits, but I shall have more self-revealing questionanswer time!!

I go to Amherst College in western Massachusetts, a small, elite, liberal arts college with a bunch of be-cardigained smart people who like to simultaneously talk about Cap-and-Trade economics, SEX and whether time exists. Oh, and most are rich and have the comfortable approach to life that they’re gonna be okay. I sorta have that, in a way, but I also have the poor person’s OHMAIGAWDIDON’TKNOWWHATI’MDOINGWITHMYLIFEFUUUUUUUCK attitude.

Once I get back to college, I’m going to take AWESOME classes (especially this baller Music Cognition class I had to leave), write an AWESOME thesis on why people are fundamentally fucked and we should all just go live in the woods (not, but something cool like that), eventually get this AWESOME internship at a publishing company where I can do copy editing and page layout till my eyes bug out, sing AWESOME music and be director of my a capella group, and live with my SUPERDOUBLEAWESOME boyfriend and friends. And after I have completed these stellar feats, I will be equipped with the knowledge, wisdom and poise to figure out what I want to do with my life, get a career that fulfills my intellect, get house, make babies, occasionally run around naked, and TAKE ON THE WORLD!

Oh, and I will look damn good doing all of this. Because I will be skinny. I WILL.

At least that’s the Grand Scheme of Life for the moment. According to all my treatment teams, I will end up dicking around with my potentially awesome life because I’m too afraid to give up my anorexia. But we shall see, young grasshopper, we shall see.


PSers: I am currently compiling epic list of how I restrict. It is quite fun, but also rather depressing. And I’m not sure if I want to tell you lovely people everything, because that would make me feel slightly guilty. Like giving crack to a crack-head. But then again, soy un crack-cabesa tambien. And really, everyone has their own style, this is just me. Don’t worry, I will, because what are we all here for if not to talk about food. Oh, right, we’re also here to try to stay sane and reach a place of happiness and inner peace. HA this is insanity!!!! Okay, check back for EPIC LIST my lovelies of monumentally skinny proportions!

As always, I (redundantly) remain your humble servant and confidant,


  1. I checked out the website for the college, it looks... to use your adjective... AWESOME!

    Talking of insanity, I already have the title for the post when I reach my goal, The Day Lola Rose.

    Get it - you can use it too somehow with the play on words with rose. As in rose to the challenge, rose to whatever, it is just my blog name tooo, non :-P

    Ok, So you can see I am mad, now BRING ON THE SKINNY! x

  2. Wow, I love your blog so much! I am so glad you commented on mine :) I know right where Amherst is. I went to UNH for undergrad and I am going to Cornell for vet school. And I grew up in Vermont. I am very familiar with the good old state of Massachusetts lol. It's cool when you find someone who lives somewhat near you. It makes things feel a little more real, you know?

    Lying comes very easily to me, too. Sometimes I feel bad about it, but it helps me out sooo much. I would have to eat so much more than I actually do if I didn't lie!

    I am looking forward to your restriction post! I love borrowing tips from other skinnies, books, and TV shows. It's like collecting stamps. I could always use more and I can never get enough :) xoxo

  3. i am a new follower!! hi

    if lying comes naturally to us, we cant help it can we??

    and sharing how u restrict is also like some one going to gaol and learning of new ways to commit crimes, they are in gaol anyway. yeah??

  4. Aww thank you! <3 Lol, I'm sloooooowly training myself to not bite my nails. My thumbs just have really tough nails that have never been attractive to chew on XD

    Yay Flight of the Conchords!! :D I love them! Did you know TVNZ turned them down, and they signed with an American company for their show instead? EPIC FAIL on the part of TVNZ!! XD

    I love the sound of your plan! BRING ON THE AWESOME LIFE!!!!!!!!

  5. amherst is one of the top clinical psychology graduate schools in the country! i'm jealous. i'm a psychology major as well and find it very interesting that you have chosen that field (for obvious reasons). i like your writing style and have a piece of advice (in the words of tammy wynette): stand by your man. don't let the disorder take him away because he sounds truly irreplaceable! i don't have an ED but i follow several of these blogs and am glad to see that you have joined these ranks. however, i do have a blog--check it out if you want : )

  6. Lol. I love you! You're seriously just absolutely wonderful.

  7. hi, i live in Italy and lucky for me i learned english in 6 grade. i like your blog it's very inspirational. i even started my own blog. please give me support.