Wednesday, August 11, 2010

What is this contentment of which you speak?

Yesterday was a wonderful day.

No, for reals, I can’t believe I’m writing that too, because how often do I end up clouding my happiness with thoughts of “I could have done better.” But yesterday, I decided to give myself a break from the Whipping Girl and let myself enjoy life a bit.

At one point in the evening, I turned to my friend and said with surprise, “I’m happy!” And she was like, “Are you not normally happy?” Oh dear…

Because the fact is, for the last year I have just been…well, blah. I’ve had good times and felt ecstatic and I’ve been extremely depressed and felt like a worthless pile of scum. But I haven’t felt content in a really fucking long time. And it’s not like I’m not still stressing over things and hating myself for things and sad about things and yada yada. But I was able to let go of that to have a nice evening with my friends.

And smoking weed made me happy. THANK THE FUCKING LORD! I haven’t been able to be pleasantly high in a really freaking long time, and yesterday, I was your classic stoner who sat there and giggled at dumbass movies and said inane things that made sense to her and no one else. It was fucking GENIUS!! And I got my first good sleep in, I don’t know, forever.

You wanna know the best part? I stayed under 700 calories for the day. And I still had energy and was happy. AND I didn’t get the munchies!! Maybe that’s why I could be content and happy? Hmmmmm, curious, very curious.

So I feel encouraged. That maybe I can have my vibrant self and be skinny. Maybe I will be able to enjoy life while existing with my crazy. Maybe crazy doesn’t need to dominate everything about me. Maybe? Yes?? I HOPE I HOPE!!

I love you lots like vodka shots, but not as much as jelly tots!! PEACE



  1. I'm happy you're happy.

    Love, B x

  2. Your so funny, I love your blog!!!

    Yay happiness!!!!^^

  3. I'm so happy that you are happy! And wow, no munchies?!?! You're awesome! LOL xoxo

  4. I'm trying not to let the fuckers get between me and Miles. Lol shotgun noises anyone? :p

    Yay! I'm glad you had a good high! I haven't had one of those in a while. I need to spend my money on cat food, not weed :( Last time I got stoned I put on chill-out music nd worked out for an hour. Dunno why 0.0

    Heh, fucking ay! Slags can get OFF the porch! We're too cool for useless shits like that, hey?

  5. I love this happiness! It makes me smile lots. :)

    I have actually never smoked weed. I am curious to try, but I am deathly afraid of the munchies. If you figure out the trick to no munchies, let me know!!

  6. That's awesome! Everyone should be happy all the time, even though that's rarely the case. It just seems like everything is going better because we're happy & content.

    Great job staying under 700 calories! And yes, I'm sure you can be your vibrant self and still be skinny without crazy dominating everything in your life =)

  7. Not fair! How do you smoke weed without getting the munchies??

    I'm glad that you had a good day though =D You definitely deserve it after the whole D situation.

  8. That's great! I'm really glad you were happy :) How on earth did you smoke weed without getting the munchies?? I get them really, really bad when I smoke :( Lucky!

  9. Never been high but I have seen that 70's show and those guys always seem to have a fun time being high lol. So I'm glad you had a similar experiance. And no munchies that's great! Sounds like you had a wonderful day and I'm glad you finally felt content I know that it sometimes feels like a huge weight has Bern lifted once the depression is at bay even if only temporarily.

    oh and thanks for reading my blog you always make me smile and make me feel a little better about my self!
    stAy stroNg!
    xoxo Lyndee

  10. Yay!!! So happy that your happy. & You CAN be content in yourself I promise :P
    just let all the shit go, as hard as that is to do, if you want it enough i know you can do it then all that's left to do is smile and live :) x